The 5 Saddest Attempts By Celebrities To Hang On To Fame

Fame is kind of like a Jagerbomb, in that it’s genuinely simply fun while you’re doing it, and subsequently there are so very, very many regrets. While some celebrities are happy to do the walk of reproach all the way back to obscurity after their 15 minutes are up, others will do anything for one more shooting. Anything . Even stuff like …


Farrah Abraham Wrote A Novel To Accompany Her “Leaked” Sex Tape

Farrah Abraham had a lucrative career as a pregnant teen, but it only lasted as long as she was both pregnant and a teen. When the MTV gravy train operated dry, she did everything you’d expect from a listless 20 -something whose subsistence rested on the cruelty of American sex education. She liberated an album called My Teenage Dream Ended , then an autobiography of the same name, then she hit the washed-up celebrity reality Tv circuit. Now, the next logical stair here is usually Celebrity Squares , but Farrah opted for something a little bit less embarrassing: porn. But not even in a respectable, forthright route — no, it just so happened last her studio-production sexuality tape with famous porn starring James Deen “leaked” online.

Vivid Entertainment And then “leaked” a sequel.

To prove that she was totally shocked and humiliated by the whole incident, she wrote an erotic friend fiction. Kind of like the Star Wars expanded universe, but with slightly more dongs and slightly worse publish. We can’t reprinting, well, any convict from the book without committing a crime against literature, but it’s basically a blow by blow account of her encounter with Deen, related as clinically and passionlessly as an overworked gynecologist would. But in the book they have different epithets, so it’s wholly fiction, you guys. Just a nice little narrative with no relation to that thing she never aimed anyone to understand, swearsies.


Sisqo Liberated An “Updated” Version Of “Thong Song” For 2017

Sisqo was 1999 embodied. He’s what would happen if you mingle Carson Daly’s hair gel and Britney Spears’s body glitter together in Missy Elliott’s trash bag. He had exactly one smash hit — “Thong Song” — and for a certain demographic, the tune still brings a single margarita-salty tear to the eye. Sisqo hung his whole career on that carol, because the only other career he tried was behave, and we’ve all understood Sabrina The Teenage Witch , Season 6, Episode 1. We know how that turned out.

Viacom Productions We couldnt find video, but he gets out-acted by the talking cat puppet.

So when it came time for a comeback, Sisqo had one move: remake “Thong Song” for a new audience. And by “remake, ” we signify do the exact same thing, but now as a 40 -year-old man in a roller rink over what is just like small children playing a toy xylophone.

It’s less of a dance sensation and more of a To Catch A Predator sting. He’s want to get remake the ballad for years, he says, to get all those people whom he insists have been imploring him to do so off his back. Curiously, he couldn’t find the right flair, perhaps because the entire music world banded together to never let this happen. Then a group of Norwegian DJs agreed to break that embargo. Thanks, Norway. You simply couldn’t be cool, could you?


After Baseball, Babe Ruth Did A Vaudeville “Show”

Babe Ruth was legendary at almost everything he did. Almost . He had a moderately disastrous game in the 1926 World Series that brought his career to a halting, but Ruth didn’t dwell on that low phase for long. Instead, he embarked on a three-month tour on the Vaudeville circuit. Wow, who could have known that the Great Bambino was as talented a showman as he was an athlete?

Nobody. Because he wasn’t.

Ruth’s “shows” basically consisted of talking about baseball and signing autograph for kids, entailing those children were technically musicians, meaning he was technically in serious violation of child labor statutes. He was arrested at a show in San Diego after failing to show work permits that allowed those kids to go onstage, though he was immediately released on bail and acquitted a few a few weeks later. Athlete scandals in the ‘2 0s audio downright quaint .


Morton Downey Jr. Feigned To Be Assaulted By Nazis

If you’ve ever been thankful for the high-quality programming of Howard Stern and Jerry Springer, send a card to Morton Downey Jr.( No relation to Robert .) Downey is often credited as one of the great innovators of “loudmouth” television, but as spectators developed endured with his “zip it” catchphrase and advertisers developed wary of hawking their products via dry-humping strippers, his ratings began to plummet.

Desperate to save his career, Morton devised a scheme: He claimed to be attacked by Nazis, who apparently hated his display because it was so real, humankind . To this end, he came running out of a San Francisco airport with a half-shaved head and a swastika painted on his face, screaming about a barbarian Nazi restroom onslaught.( Which, yes, is available if your punk band needs a epithet .) Curiously, airport police never received any perpetrators, but they did is my finding that Morton’s swastika was backwards. You know, as if somebody had painted it on themselves. Say, in a bathroom mirror.

WWOR-TV Seems weird for a guy Nazis shouldve < i> adoration .

Tragically, the publicity stunt wasn’t enough to save his indicate, and Downey was never be permitted to reclaim the spotlight. Nazis, on the other hand, seem to be doing quite well these days.


Michael Phelps “Raced The Shark”

Michael Phelps has won a record 28 awards over his Olympic career. But recall that back in 2009, right after he first gained renown, sponsors fell him en masse where reference is was caught on film making a bong like an Arizona State undergrad. Like that, Phelps’ career route was on a downturn. Until that fateful day when he decided to race a shark …

Discovery Channel Sort of. Kind of. But not really. At all .

Phelps had agreed to take part in Discovery Channel’s annual Shark Week festivals by starring in a production called Phelps vs. Shark: Great Gold vs. Great White . Hyped as a race between man and beast off the coast of South africans, Phelps would test his mettle in a 100 -meter race against an apex predator. But it wasn’t a side by side, breaststroke-for-your-life situation, like many had hoped , nor did the producers talk him into going ahead and jumping over the shark with a motorcycle. Instead, he faced off against a CGI replica of an outsized Carcharodon carcharias .

Discovery Channel Making it almost the least-real thing ever to operate during Shark Week.

The internet, as it is wont to do, explosion in brief but furious indignation that they were denied a front-row seat to the horrible death of a lord Olympian. But when all was said and done, Phelps did specify yet another record. The prove garnered more spectators than any other Shark Week production in history. Then he mostly did appearances on daytime talk shows to promote Colgate’s “Every Drop Counts” environmental campaign. Which may have something to do with spilled bong water? We’ll have to check.

Jordan Breeding also writes for Paste Magazine, the Twitter, himself, and wishes he had some renown to urgently cling to .

Sharks are at their best in blimp form and steered by humen, in case you had an incredible itch for one of your own .

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