7 Dark AF Ways Your Ancestors Had Fun

At some phase in “peoples lives”, we’ve all been so carried that we acquired ourselves doing something unbelievably stupid just to pass the time. But fortunately, these days, we have almost unlimited access to volumes and music and movies and ridiculous amounts of porn, so it’s rare. Back in the working day, our ancestors had a lot fewer things around to entertain them. Maybe that’s why they came up with all this crazy material …


The Navy Junior Boxing Program Had Kids As Young As Two Beating Each Other Up

When it comes to sports, we’ve managed to come up with some complicated ways to entertain ourselves over the years. There is the frenetic pace of basketball, the relaxation of a baseball game, and whatever the inferno cricket is. But perhaps nothing is as simple and as enjoyable as watching two people beat the snot out of each other. Boxing has probably existed in one sort or the other since we came down out of the trees, but at least we had the good sense to make it the standard rules that it should be two adults of similar sizes running at it. Except for a period of time during and after World War II, that is, when mothers decided it would be hilarious to watch their children battle it out.

Library of Congress In the Navy! Yes, you can sail the seven seas. In the Navy! Our boxing league’s for under-threes !

Probably desperate for anything that would take their brains off the horrors they had considered to be in combat, the Navy set up a junior boxing program for the offspring of their enlisted men. Sure, some of these kids were 14, which seems like an OK age to start discovering the sweet science, but a very young were two. Two years old . Honestly, at that point, why have an age limit at all? Newborns flail their limbs around; why not stick their little hands in boxing gloves right after they are birthed into the world?

US Navy They can’t break their skulls if their skulls aren’t solid yet!

Lest you think that these toddlers were well up for punching their friends in the face, one child( now an old man) who participated says that he recollects half the boys saying they didn’t want to fight, only to be told by their war-weary fathers to “shut up and be a man.” See, that is the problem with this generation of two-year-olds: They aren’t expected to be manly enough. While organisations like the American Academy of Pediatrics want to coddle our particular snowflakes and say that they “vigorously oppose” boxing as a sport for children because of the risk of “chronic” or “fatal” hurts, it wasn’t that bad. A press photo from the time assures us that there was “little in accordance with the rules of bloodshed.”


Balloon Jumping

In 1923, Popular Science asked its readers 😛 TAGEND

How would you like to own your own hand-power jitney balloon, to spend your Saturday afternoons joyriding in the sky, up hundreds of thousands of feet or so, swinging beneath the round belly of a small gas-filled suitcase and traveling anywhere you can induce the playful breeze to take you ?

That … voices horrible. Right? We’re not the only ones who discover a giant flashing neon sign telling us to run away? A thousand feet up? “Small gas-filled bag”? “Playful, ” aka suicidally strong, breezes? We’re sorry, people of 1923, were the newly invented vehicle and aircraft already get enduring? Look, we don’t want to accuse old-timey people of being stupid because they were old-timey, but severely? Nutcases.

British Pathe But well-dressed nutcases, dammit.

Amazingly, some people genuinely guessed this was a transportation breakthrough, and that soon we would all be floating around under own private gas-bags. But you won’t be surprised to know that it was ridiculously dangerous, even for people who knew what they were doing. One early fanatic was a Royal Air Force parachutist named Dobbs. You would think a human who developed other people how to safely bail out of planes “wouldve been” perfect person to get others interested in this new form of recreation. And he did try, for a few years at least, putting on shows ” members of the public, hoping they would all running around and buy their own balloons and he wouldn’t be so alone up there. But it kind of throws people off when you manage to die right in the middle of showing off how awesome and safe your new doll is, which is exactly what Dobbs did.

In 1927, he was doing his thing at the Stag Lane Aerodrome in North London when someone noticed he was jump-start closer and closer to a high-tension cable. Despite hearing the warning that the wire was live, Dobbs wailed back that he would risk it and proceeded to try to jump over the cable . He is recorded as “nearly” clearing it, but “nearly” simply counts in horseshoes and hand grenades. His feet get tangled in the wire, and when he reached down to try to free himself, he grabbed it and was electrocuted, throwing him down to the ground( so hey, it get him untangled !) and killing him on the spot.

And that, boys and girls, is why Mom and Dad don’t hop-skip/ swim to work to this day.


Blind People Beat The Crap Out Of Each Other( And Pigs) For The Amusement Of The Upper Classes

Until very, very recently in history, it wasn’t a good mind to be born with any kind of disability. Able-bodied humen, probably trying to get their heads off the fact that at any minute they could die from childbirth or beset or explosive diarrhea, liked a bit of entirely non-politically correct blood athletic to pass the time. That’s how they came up with a medieval favorite that the French called Le jeu de la truie et des quatre aveugles , or “the game of the sow and the four blind men.”

The game was simple, if perfectly dreadful: Get yourself a animal and a few blind guys( if you were low on actual sightless people, you could ever get some see ones and blindfold them ), and hurl them in a ring or other cordoned-off space. Then arm the men to the teeth with huge wooden at-bats and tell them to start swaying. Whoever kills the poor piggy gets to keep it as a trophy. Harmless fun, right? Well , not for the swine, but no matter how they got slaughtered back then, it was probably still horrible, so whatever. But the problem was that this play wasn’t genuinely about killing the swine. The true recreation received from watching a bunch of blind people accidentally smash one another with the bats until they were half-dead.

People must have gotten a kick out of it, because the game had staying power. It was played after the Spanish won the Battle of Navas de Tolosa over the Moors in 1212. It was part of the celebrations during a bridal between a prince and princess in Navarre. It was played in 1386 in Germany with a full dozen guys beating the swine and each other. But they had to eventually devote those men a little assistance; they reach one another so many times that many of them purposed up collapsing, so they threw a bell on the swine and induced them keep going. And an anonymous chronicler records it being played at a celebration in Paris in 1425. That hour, they even had a little parade for the four blind guys before the event, which was probably a nice remembrance to try to hold onto every time they get bashed in the head.


Fox Tossing

These days, if you want to get in an contention about the care of foxes, you have to bring up fox hunting, which involves journeying in all the regions of the beautiful countryside before your pack of puppies rend one to sheds in front of you. But oh, has humanity managed to be so much more creative with fox torture in the past.

Creative with the technique, anyway, if not the name. Because when you hear “fox tossing, ” you probably get a good notion what this is going to entail. Basically, you have an arena of some sort so that the fox can’t flee. Then you line up in pairs, as if you are going to swing a jumping rope between you, but instead it’s a cloth that you will use for the tossing. The foxes are let out of their cages and run around frightened out of their little minds. When they step on your cloth, you and your collaborator pull it tight, trying to fling the fox as high in the air as is practicable. The higher the very best, since part of the “fun” was to watch the acrobatics it did in midair in order to try to land on its paws. But it would be wasteful for a fox to land and bash its chief open on a solid storey, therefore ruining your opportunity of get in more throws, so the ground was often covered in sawdust. Still, it didn’t prevent all injuries, especially since the animals were often flung as high as 24 feet , and after the fun was over, the players would finish off any injured ones with a good clubbing.

via Wiki Commons They couldn’t spare a single winging fox.

If you got carried with foxes, people also utilized rabbits, badgers, and “wildcats.” These events were often a veritable slaughter, with hundreds of animals dead by the end. Still, sometimes the poorest of the poor animals got their own back. Foxes and “wildcats” have claws, after all, and it was accepted that to play this game mean risking get bitten or slashed. But the occupational hazards didn’t stop its popularity, and even Holy Roman Emperor Leopold I would play at least once a year.


Goose Pulling

A lot of these other animal torment plays had died out by the time we made the modern epoch. But not goose pulling. Goose pulling was so much fun that people had to keep playing it well into the 1800 s. And lest you think it was only those mean Europeans doing all this stuff, this one managed to hop-skip the pond and became popular in America as well.

Goose pulling, like fox tossing, is exactly what it sounds like( OK no , not that , sicko ). First you get a rope or bar and place it across a road. Take a LIVE goose( or if you want to mix it up, a rabbit) and shave its neck. Then you encompass its shaved neck and chief in grease. Take your greased-up goose and hang it from the rope or saloon by its feet, so its poor little body is flapping in the breeze in sheer fear. Then, anyone who wants to play get on their horse, and they take turns accusing down the road and trying to rends the head off the live goose . These are your ancestors. These sick fucks.

Frederic Remington “More fun than choking my chicken! “

Anyone who missed the goose solely would get doused in cold water, which doesn’t really seem fair, deeming what the bird “ve been through”. It must have been a somewhat hard play, because it often lasted for hours before person eventually killed the thing. The winner would get the goose, or sometimes a small cash prize, or simply drinkings at the tavern subsequentlies. You set the poor, panicked fowl through that for not a lot of reward. Oh, and this event traditionally took place on Shrove tuesday, also known as the day before Lent starts, also known as the traditional period people get all the fun stuff out of their systems. So “thats what” people in the past actually want to get do before their 40 days of religious sobriety: rip a bird’s psyche clean off with their bare hands.

Oh wait, did we say up there this died out in the 1800 s? Yeah, about that. If you happen to be in parts of Germany, Belgium, or the Netherlands on Shrove tuesday, to this day you might visualize people yanking the heads off geese in this manner. Thankfully, somewhere along the line, animal rights activists must have gotten involved, because at the least now the goose is dead before they string it up.

CA_Rotwang/ Wiki Commons “In New Orleans, they’re flashing boobs, but this is how we get off in Hamburg.”


The Bizarre Wax Bullet Duels That Objective In Parties

These periods if anyone insult you, you write a passive-aggressive Facebook post about them. But back in the day, people were constantly waiting for the chance to take offense at something person told us they could duel. Despite putting their lives on the line, men and even sometimes girls could not wait to grab a pair artillery or swords and have at it. But after a while, governments stepped in and built dueling illegal, and people seemed to come to their appreciations and decided they didn’t want to die because someone attained fun of their hat. Did that mean they stopped dueling? Of course not. They simply acquired a style to make it a bit safer.

In the early 1900 s, people started dueling with wax bullets. That lane, you could still have the fun of pointing a firearm at person and aiming for their nerve, but didn’t “re going to have to” invest the rest of their own lives in jail if you reach your target. The duels produced such “general merriment” that they were even held at Carnegie Hall. Then in 1908, they added a wax bullet dueling demonstration to the Olympics, as well as various killing championships around the world.

Library of Congress Because paintball is too fluid and painless.

Of course, merely because the projectile you are getting kill with isn’t a real bullet doesn’t mean you can’t get hurt. There were stories of both competitors and spectators losing eyes if a shot went wrong. Bits of body parts could also be removed, and one man who was interviewed about his experience dueling told how he inadvertently shot off the fleshy bit between his opponent’s thumb and pointer thumb. He likewise warned that the fake bullets seemed virtually identical to real bullets, and that people had been killed when they mingled them up. Still, he said dueling was a “necessary evil, ” and that the ability to shoot at someone if they were rude attained people polite. If that’s true-life, considering the country of the world, perhaps we should think about bringing it back.


The Toy Guillotine Fad

You remember “when youre” a kid how you’d take your dolls and throw them in your toy electric chair and pretend to kill them? No? Oh right, that’s because we’re not insane, unlike French children during the Revolution, who went absolutely crazy for toy guillotines.

It was totally common for kids to attend the many, many beheadings that were taking place during the course of its terror, and when they got home, they craved their own version to play with. Two-foot-tall working models became all the rage, with children using them to chop the heads off dolls or even small-scale animals. And the same lane people today worry that violent video games are ruining our youths, eventually these tiny guillotines were banned out of panic the latter are a bad influence on children.

via 50watts. com “We don’t want every kid to turn into Sid.”

That didn’t stop their parents having fun with the fad, though. They had smaller models attained that they would use during dinner to chop up bread and veggies. Sometimes they would have small figures of politicians or other celebrities made and filled with a red perfume that would spurt everywhere when they were beheaded. Dames would then dip their handkerchiefs in the perfume so they left the dinner reeking nice. The apparently bloodstained handkerchiefs would go well with their other accessory, guillotine earrings.

After all the killings stopped and the aristocracy is coming into power, they wanted to show how proud they were of their relatives who had died. So both women and men started wearing their mane short in the back, as if it had been sliced off by the guillotine. Women wore red scarves to represent the blood and those worn by two famous women who had been executed. And at a ball held every year for people who could prove they were related to a victim of the guillotine, dancers would bow to each other in a jerking motion, as if their psyche had been lopped off. That would be like if everybody went to prom and the cool thing to do was lay on the ground and pretend you two are get a lethal injection.

Kathy wrote a very funny book called FUNERALS TO DIE FOR, and you can buy it here. Or follow her on Facebook, Tumblr, Instagram, or Twitter .

PS It’s not like you can’t still get a little guillotine for your desk .

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